The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
