I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
