In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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