Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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