She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
