My room smells like vodka and shame
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
don't judge my taste in strippers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
