She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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