UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
