Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
