Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
