people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
