Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
