why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
