he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
