The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
