I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
