I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
