so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
