Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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