sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize