i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
