Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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