Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
