NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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