I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
