I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
