Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Alive.
So much puke
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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