dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
