My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
