wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
