found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
