his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
