So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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