I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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