I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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