I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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