I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
