When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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