Ambien. No doubt about it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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