Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
