I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
im on a boat
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