I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
