I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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