my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
