mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They have beer where we have blood.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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