I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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