So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
