My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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