there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
