I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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