Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
