Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
