I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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