And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
