on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
