the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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