are you still at the devil's house?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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