oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
