so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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