Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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