I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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