Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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