So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
