Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize