i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
