The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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