She's JV to your varsity
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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