What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
