They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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