Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize