Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
