i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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