You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
