Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize