so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Terrible idea I love it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
