You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
