I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
