You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
