i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
