for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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