I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
