So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
