watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
