Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
