I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize