New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
