Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
