I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
