You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
