If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
