I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
