How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
