Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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