Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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